I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
