I never want to see another naked old woman again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
