so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The beer is more important than you right now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
