he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
