I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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