I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
