the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
