wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
