next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize