I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
