first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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