Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
