your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
