Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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