we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
