there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
