so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
