Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
