We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
