We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You made out with two different species that night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
