i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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