well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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