Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize