i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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