he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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