im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
someone owes me an orgasm
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
