My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
