I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
