My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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