it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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