the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
