How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
