He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
