This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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