I can tuck mytits in my pants
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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