I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
