We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
