i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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