You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
