i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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