And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
