Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
