I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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