the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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