I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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