i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
