I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
