some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
