I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
