he thought i was a dude.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
