Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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