I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
