absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
