OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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