i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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