you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
