cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
