He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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