my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
