my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
