i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Edward fifth and chaser hands
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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