I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
