I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
