I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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