Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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