eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
