Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
