He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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