If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
