oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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