Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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