So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize