she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
