Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
