Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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