you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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