I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
