I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
