Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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