I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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